What goes around comes around!

He has being single for a while! Since leaving his ex, he has decided to spend time by himself and to seek spiritual growth. Most us who know him very well laughed because it was not like him to waste time moving from one woman to the next. Hardly did he wait for the end of one relationship before moving to the next. However, this felt different: he seemed more committed in this one although it was also the one that broke his heart, he had the best memories.

It is said that what goes around comes around. In Kofi’s case, this saying has had a literal fulfillment. He has broken several hearts and never shown even a single care in the world for those women. There were times when I questioned the appropriateness of my loyalty to him. But he was my friend and I never knew any of them until he introduced them.

Very often, he called the shots; he determined the pace of the relationship and the level of intimacy. However, with this one, he was different. He will make sure they spent more time together and they did things generally as a couple will do. Yet, she left him and for another one of our friends!

Let me tell you about Fosua. I thought of her as intelligent, smart and reasonably pretty girl. She was smitten with Kofi and would do everything to be with him. Whilst he liked her attention, he had his eyes on others as well. He and some of the friends will go out and literally prey on woman, and as young men, I think there was little respect for these girls they convinced to be with them.

Kofi convinced Fosua’s roommate to date his best friend and they both will go and stay at their apartments for weeks on end even at the detriment of the girls’ lectures. Whilst they were there, the girls will cook and look after them out of their own means. At some these stays, they will come across as if they did not have other girls; the relationships looked magical. They will hold tight their girls under the arms as they sit in the living room watching TV with the fire on at the Fire Place during the cozy autumn months. To the girls, they had found their lifelong partners whilst the men were only thinking only as far as they are in the house.

However, as they say, no deed under the son can be buried forever! One day Kofi walked into a party with his new chic and there at the gift table was Fosua staring back at him. She walked up to him and said hi.  There wasn’t much to say and he knew he had blown it. She asked to talk to him outside and he returned about 20 minutes later, but not with Fosua. She never picked his call and that was that.

He already had Diane and he was smitten with her. This time, it was he who was smitten and it showed. His friends new the disaster could strike because he was changing too much too quickly for a woman he knew very little about. But she was mixed race with nice skin tone, body and she knew how to get the attention of men to make him jealous.

Within a few weeks of their being together, it became obvious that she was not in the relationship for the long-term. She wanted fun. Kofi’s jealousy was taking the fun out of the relationship for her. She confided in Kofi’s best friend that she would rather be with a guy who will have an open relationship and not Kofi’s jealous streaks.

Within the next three weeks, Kofi’s best friend slept with her three times, two other guys of the bunch had slept with her and, at some point, Kofi’s best friend and one of the guys had been with her, all together at the same time.

Of course, Kofi did not know this. He was just blissfully enjoying time with his always cheating girlfriend and, the worse part, having unprotected sex after a second negative HIV screening by both of them. But, this screening was useless as she continued to sleep around, some with condoms and others without.

The real juicy part is how Kofi found out that she has been cheating on him. The guys were one day having conversation about tattoos and what they would have on their bodies if they ever wanted to get one. They agreed that they will never write a lover’s name. An error was made by Dimps, one of the guys who had slept with Diane when he mentioned that the stool on Diane’s butt cheek is something he can accept on a girl because it refers to her as a princess.

As soon as that was said the room went quiet! Kofi asked Dimps how he got to know about the tattoo which he, Kofi, suggested for her. Dimps try to explain that either Kofi or Diane herself informed the group although he is not sure. This did not wash with Kofi who was already getting suspicious and there was a verbal altercation between the two. The other guys were all quiet. They all knew who else had slept with her and Kofi was bound to find out. That evening he went to Diane and, as usual of her, she did not lie.

She told him that she did not want an exclusive relation and that she wanted to continue to sleep with those guys as well as be with him. Kofi was disgusted and left her that evening never to return. The worst part was the fact that his best friend was involved. They tried to rebuild their friendship, but it was never like before.

Kofi do not talk to two of the guys; he left the apartment that he shared with the guys and Diane still visited them regularly.

It has being 24 months now. The guys no longer live at the apartment and Diane is out of the picture (I think, but probably still messing some friendships). He has rebuilt his life and, apart from me, he has found new friends.

However, he still talks about Diane with fondness. I know she wasn’t ready, but had she been, their relationship would have been great. Would he be ready to date again soon? Sometimes I feel he is a new man!

Charlie has fallen!

Readers, it is great shame that I write to inform you that Charlie has fallen. He may have not had sex with Fiona, but …

However, there is one good thing; he realised how much he loved Josie. He has resolved that it will never happen again. Fiona is not happy, but I guess she will survive.

A woman after your heart!

Men are weak! This is a bold statement that some will swear by. Others will disagree and argue vehemently against it. However, I think both sexes can be weak, but in different ways. I think men respond more to visual stimuli and, in an intense and consistent bombardment with the appropriate visual stimuli, their defenses can be broken down easily. Women on the other hand respond better to auditory stimuli and the route to breaking their defenses is by the words you express to them.

Having said the above, the man still needs to be well presented physically to attract the woman (women are attracted to well dressed men with sense of style). The basics should be there: a nice, clean and well presented appearance is fundamental. However, it is more critical for men for their women to be pleasing physically and, may be, that is all they need to attract men. For women, they are sophisticated than that and you need to engage with their thought through your words and emotions.

That is not to say that you dress well as woman and you get the guy you have been eying for the last few months. The visual stimuli include the way you carry that well dressed body. That can make a significant difference. Let me tell you the experience of the Friend whose experience started this blog.

According to my friend, let’s called him Charlie, there was this girl who we will call Fiona in his office who works at the Finance Dept as Administrator. Charlie is an IT Specialist who will usually be called to the Finance Team to fix problems. He had not taken any special interest in Fiona and their work paths had not really crossed. However, Charlie had a much cordial relationship with some of the other guys in the finance team. During one lunch hour, a discussion on girlfriends ensued between them and Charlie. In this conversation, he made it clear he was in serious relationship and that he was committed.

Apparently, once Fiona heard that he said he was committed to his relationship, she hinted that guys are only committed when it is convenient for them. The guys thought he was serious and said so to Fiona. However, to Charlie, it seems she has being targeting him ever since then. Initially he decided not mind her, but when I spoke to him, I think the decision had been taken that he was going to take her up on the offer. Let me tell you how she had gone about it.

Fiona had slightly changed her dressing! You see some girls think, it is about wearing revealing dress. Actually, this is wrong. Men want what they cannot have. Just wearing something very stylish that covers you up in the right places, but also gives an indication of what could be underneath the dress is all that you need. Yes, you should not cover up like a nun, but a prostitute is a put-off as well. Fiona began wearing stylish dresses that covered her up, but showed her amazing shape.  Charlie told me about one day when he had a call to fix a printer attached to Fiona’s PC only to find her in a pink and white tube dress covered on top with a black jacket. Her inches high heels fully complimented the dress. He remembered: “her dress was up to her knee, but the slit at back still gave an indication of the smooth thigh underneath. And whilst her breasts were covered, his brain had completed the [missing] picture”. Her smile was inviting and movement elegant! I don’t think he could ever get that picture out of his mind.

I think Fiona is very smart. She knows that men want to be heroes especially when they see a pretty woman. Charlie only found that there is the USB wire missing, but it still took him more that 15 minutes because he was enjoying the time spent talking to her about the problem. He found himself explaining why the problem occurred in the first place and what to do if it occurred again. This has been the standard they have been trained to do their work but honestly, he could remember any other incident where he has followed the standard procedure.

Now that she had his attention, she would smile and say hello to him whenever they met in the corridors or for lunch. As much as she could, we think, she staged those meeting. However, she always looked natural, elegant, sexy and in control. She made sure Charlie felt like superstar by thanking him profusely for fixing her printer. She also told him how poor she was at IT. She was just feeding his ego; one thing that men can’t do without. Soon she got Charlie to start thinking about her and he was making more efforts to pass by the finance team.

Within three weeks, they had spoken at the water fountain about her PC at home, his tennis playing Saturdays, her movies collection and others. Eventually, she found out that he lives in Sakumono. She let him know that she was going to be at the Beach on Sunday if he wanted to meet. This is the point she called me, and I don’t think he was about to refuse that!

Temptations

I have just set up this blog after having a long chat with a long time friend of mine. It was interesting discussion and it beats my imagination as to why he felt he could discuss the issue with me. This friend has being in a committed relation for about a year wanted to know how he can cheat without getting caught. I am not saying I am angel, but I haven’t given him any impression that either I cheat on my partner or wanted to cheat. Very often, we go out as couples and we are friends with each others wifes.

Eventually, I found out that he initially resisted the temptation from this girl in his offices who has just decided that she would cause his downfall and first cheating experience. I think from conversations in the office, she came to know that my friend is quite ‘green’: has never cheated nor really womanized even in his past before settling with the current girlfriend. This girl in the office who has fancied my friend for a while has decided to go after him in a big way.

I will be publishing our discussion